When I got pregnant and the first time having a baby, I was so happy. I thought I would not be alone anymore, there would be my kid who would accompany me everyday. Life would become so perfect by having children. So I myself who nursed my baby from he woke up in the morning until he had a nap in the night, well sometimes until dawn. As a baby sometimes cried in the middle of the night and asked for milk or maybe his diapers was wet and needed to be changed. All works and sacrifices that I did got paid when I saw my baby growing healthy and cute. Especially when I brought my baby in a baby-trolley went out in the afternoon to the playground, the adults came near us and said; "oh! how cute your baby is"; "ooh! he's so adorable". I just smiled and thanked them.
After two years passed by, the second baby came, I also did nurse my second-baby all by myself . She was so lovely and adorable. However, at that time besides I ought to nurse my baby, I should also parenting my first toddler. I even didn't care for myself; such never had facial care, never had body-care; never cut my hair at the hairdresser anymore, as I used to do when I was still single. All my time and my energy just for my children. Yeah, I was so responsible for my children's well being. About my husband...at that time he was away overseas working there. At home for my children needs and my own needs, I did it all alone such as I drove my own car, washed my car, cleaned the house, cooked, went out for groceries, gardening, nursed and parenting my kids, paid the bills...hah what an assignment! Fortunately, I could manage all well. I used to work hard when I was single and often to see my mom worked at home. She was a teacher and she never had nothing to do at home. She always had something that needed to be done. So maybe I reflected myself as my mom did.
Now, the problem that I am facing is that my first kid becomes a teenager and he becomes rebel to us as parents. He could not manageable anymore...sometimes he is so hard to handle that made me scold him out. I didn't realize that my hair growing white partly and looked like as granny....funny!. I set discipline for my kids daily such; do your homework, go shower 2 times a day, go sholat or pray 5 times a day, go to madrasah on sunday, have your breakfast, eat your dinner as sometimes they had their lunch at school and went home in the afternoon, asked them to help me a bit for domestic work, don't play too long on video-game or computer game, don't go on facebook 'cause you are not adult yet and any harm could befall on you, go brush your teeth before sleep at night. I also monitored their computer activity at home. I didn't want them watching something forbidden to see such pornography, sadist things or other thing as similar as that. He didn't want to listen to what I had said and agaist all my words many times. Sometimes I was so outrage and yelled at him so loud that made him frightened. Sometimes I pushed him to the bedroom and asked him to stay there for some times, on the other time, I pushed him to the bathroom .....yes, he cried out loud. I knew that I always felt sad, guilty and sobbed imperceptibly when he was asleep at night after I scolded him at noon . Actually, I just want my kids to become responsible persons; be compassionate to the unlucky people; be empathy to the people; able to stand on their own when they were grown-up and the most important thing is that don't be a burden for other people later when they were grown-up
Now my kids are in the primary-5 and primary-3. Fortunately what I have shaped them become fruitfull, especially my first kid. He has shown some discipline; plays the piano well, smart at school, smart at madrasah and can take care of his sister when I was away from home. Those things make me smile. I remembered my parents adviced me like this: "We can only give our chldren how to fish, but do not leave them with the wealth as the wealth may vanished easily. It would not happened with the knowledge and the skill we give them". The other wise-words is from Rasulullah Muhammad S.A.W. said like this: "The children are only a consignment from The All Mighty Allah S.W.T, and He may have taken away our children as He wish. When it happened, we could only be surrender to Allah S.W.T as we were made by Allah SWT and we will come back to Allah SWT. Do not grieve more than 3 days as all living things in the world is not eternal ..all will come back to The All-Mighty Allah SWT. Indeed, it is really a wise-words.
